Dementia – A Cruel Disease
“Jeannie, we have to get all the glasses and plates down from the cabinets. There will be 50 people in the house in just three hours.”
“No, Sarah, the wedding is not for 45 more days. It is only February 20th today.”
“What, really? Well, that is such a relief. I feel like I can breathe now.”
Pause for 30 seconds.
“Well, we have to get up and get moving. You know there will be 50 people here in just a few hours. I don’t know how we are going to do it all.”
If you are a caregiver or just a concerned family member of someone with dementia, you have had a version of this conversation more times than you can count.
A Typical Experience of a Caregiver
Perhaps at the start of the day you can offer your patience generously. But as the day continues, you know you need to save your energy. You know that as the afternoon begins, your loved one will become more confused, more demanding, and more agitated.
“Sundowning,” the increase in anxiety and confusion at the end of the day, is very real. You know you will need to pace yourself.
Perhaps you lose your temper; perhaps you walk outside the house to take a few deep breaths, hoping you can steal a few minutes of quiet. Or in the evening when things seem too much, you may sneak away to your car to listen to the radio and take a few sips of wine.
Unintentional Hero
Others call you a hero, telling you they couldn’t do what you do. Those comments only make you feel more alone.
As a caregiver to your loved one, you are the first line of defense against the cruelty of dementia. You know the loved one better than anyone, and you know how he or she wants to be treated. You do not feel like a hero and do not wanted to be treated as such. But maybe it would be helpful to know about resources that can help your loved one.
How I can Help
I would love to help you sort through various options for care as your loved one lives with this progressive illness. The options include finding an adult day program, in-home caregivers, getting training on the disease yourself, as well as joining caregiver support groups.